the water flows down over me
the shower resembles a manicured cemetary
with my grave placed in it
my breath mirrors the mess i've made
it's a smoke signal of a line and a blade
the curtain parts and i take center stage
my reflected image has to look away
the sun rays shine to avoid me
the sunset resembles a wrist with slashes
and crimson runs from it
my footsteps mirror this path i've taken
it's a comatose path that refuses to awaken
the sun bleeds out and my ambition flatlines
even my volition can't lie and say it's fine
what do you do when you can't stand yourself?
it's so shameful
what's left when self hate takes over you?
it's so deplorable.
a drop falls upon my face
the path resembles a river cutting a rock
and my heart is made from it
i stand across from my desires
feel the weight inside me conspire
something suffers and cements itself in propinquity
this lifes a long moment of falter..
falter.
what do you do when you can't stand yourself?
it's so shameful
what's left when self hate takes over you?
it's so deplorable.
music
it's saturday and you're all alone
everyone has gone or forgot to stay
sitting in darkness with memories of "what if"
remembering how it was before you changed
cause you—
are trying to find a way out of these mistakes
cause you—
are trying to find a sign to release you from the shackles of you.
if you live in a world that's in your head
and if music says all the things that can't be said
if no one listens to the noise that you play
then you know cries for help are always in vain.
the raindrops falling
carve out a cheeky watershed
the droplets pooling like all that you've bled
and red track marks lead the way
you're searching for a time when you
never made a change.
cause you—
are trying to find a way out of these mistakes
cause you—
are trying to find a sign to release you from the shackles of you.
if you live in a world that's in your head
and if music says all the things that can't be said
if no one listens to the noise that you play
then you know cries for help are always in vain
wake up
you need to find a reason
to fall down on your knees
and thank the universe for what you have
you need to open your eyes
remove the fallacy of your disguise
and find the faith you lost while feeling sorry for yourself
wake up for once this time
wake yourself up inside
take something for the pain of reality
take a step out of where you hide
and wake up inside.
you've lost your entire personality
to the dictates of society
and you've become a static human being
you think you'll be all alone
if you who are ever shows
and you've convinced yourself so well
wake up for once this time
wake yourself up inside
take something for this pain of your world falling
take a step out of where you hide
and wake up inside.
you need to find a reason
to fall down on your knees
and thank the universe for what you have
you need to open your eyes
remove the fallacy of your disguise
and find the faith you lost while feeling sorry for yourself
wake up for once this time
wake yourself up inside
take something for the pain of reality
take a step out of where you hide
and wake up inside.
you've lost your entire personality
to the dictates of society
and you've become a static human being
you think you'll be all alone
if you who are ever shows
and you've convinced yourself so well
wake up for once this time
wake yourself up inside
take something for this pain of your world falling
take a step out of where you hide
and wake up inside.
the homeless
i'm flying home now
i don't even know where home is
i can't help but laugh
as this world of chaos unfolds
carry me anywhere
but where these walls mock all my attempts
anywhere where the door slides left
the truth is like hell
the truth is bereft
the truth is i'm a shell
the truth is it's all your fault.
and he look sat me with soft spoken eyes
and he says it can't be my fault
and the salt water waltzes in double time
and he stares at me anticipating
and i leave to find a new home
this baggage breaks my back
my most cherished belonging broken again
second chances are just a chance to pick apart
the scab grown over this road rashed heart
place me anywhere
anywhere where he would talk of all he knew
anywhere where i can self medicate
the truth is like hell
the truth is bereft
the truth is i'm a shell
the truth is it's all your fault
and he looks at me with soft spoken eyes
and he says it can't be my fault
and this salt water waltzes in double time
and he stares at me anticipating
and i leave to find a new home
the truth is like hell
the truth is bereft
the truth is i'm a shell
the truth is someday i'll find someone to call home.
i'm flying home now
i don't even know where home is
i can't help but laugh
as this world of chaos unfolds
carry me anywhere
but where these walls mock all my attempts
anywhere where the door slides left
the truth is like hell
the truth is bereft
the truth is i'm a shell
the truth is it's all your fault.
and he look sat me with soft spoken eyes
and he says it can't be my fault
and the salt water waltzes in double time
and he stares at me anticipating
and i leave to find a new home
this baggage breaks my back
my most cherished belonging broken again
second chances are just a chance to pick apart
the scab grown over this road rashed heart
place me anywhere
anywhere where he would talk of all he knew
anywhere where i can self medicate
the truth is like hell
the truth is bereft
the truth is i'm a shell
the truth is it's all your fault
and he looks at me with soft spoken eyes
and he says it can't be my fault
and this salt water waltzes in double time
and he stares at me anticipating
and i leave to find a new home
the truth is like hell
the truth is bereft
the truth is i'm a shell
the truth is someday i'll find someone to call home.
perfection
and i
need this
more than words could ever know
that's why i need you to go
away
you knew you'd never stay
how could you let me jump
and i believed to this very day
that's why you need to go
away
how did i do this to myself?
selective hearing never helps
when intuition yells at you to flee
away
you stay
and deconstruct this flaw i lead
re-engineer me into your own perfection
fix me and my unbroken needs
fill my head with your deception
make me shed my skin for you
see how far i'd go, what i'd do
and then leave me when i falter
leave my head full of your forged forever
leave me, as if there's something better
...'cause there always is...
it's ironic
it's cathartic
it's fatalistic
it's compounding
is this what you want from me?
nothing in this world is ever free
and becoming your perfection
cost
me.
get by
we're lost in this landslide
tangled in the debris we've left behind
it's not much but somehow we get by
torn all apart in this rewind
tripping on the shards you left behind
giving up is how we get by
we gave each other this
the piece of mind to crumble
out of our minds
saying nothing is the only way we get by
in this function of what "us" should be
just have to put it all behind
that's how we get by
that's how we'll survive
into the shadows we confide
stripping away the faults left behind
denial is our source to get by
stuck in this failure swan dive
suffocated by the vomited words left behind
this refuse we refuse to build is how we get by
we gave each other this
the piece of mind to crumble
out of our minds
saying nothing is the only way we get by
in this function of what "us" should be
just have to put it all behind
that's how we get by
that's how we'll survive
we lay at night and wonder why
we'll never be worthwhile
misery loving company is how we get by
even if we've faked every mile
we used to love, or so we thought
getting by is is all that's left.
we're lost in this landslide
tangled in the debris we've left behind
it's not much but somehow we get by
torn all apart in this rewind
tripping on the shards you left behind
giving up is how we get by
we gave each other this
the piece of mind to crumble
out of our minds
saying nothing is the only way we get by
in this function of what "us" should be
just have to put it all behind
that's how we get by
that's how we'll survive
into the shadows we confide
stripping away the faults left behind
denial is our source to get by
stuck in this failure swan dive
suffocated by the vomited words left behind
this refuse we refuse to build is how we get by
we gave each other this
the piece of mind to crumble
out of our minds
saying nothing is the only way we get by
in this function of what "us" should be
just have to put it all behind
that's how we get by
that's how we'll survive
we lay at night and wonder why
we'll never be worthwhile
misery loving company is how we get by
even if we've faked every mile
we used to love, or so we thought
getting by is is all that's left.
life story
i depress myself
with every new low
i repress myself
i never have a voice
and my secret is
i'd rather take the blame
and my confession is
there's nothing i would change
i think i could tell my life story
by all the blood splattered on the walls
a single breath can change the course of your life
and all these scars make me more beautiful after all
i hide myself
so i can be someone else
i confide myself
to the walls of this world
and my secret is
i'd rather take the blame
and my confession is
there's nothing i would change
i think i could tell my life story
by all the blood splattered on the walls
and a single breath can change the course of your life
and all these scars make me more beautiful after all
mangle me, assemble me
make me add another beauty mark
i depress myself
with every new low
i repress myself
i never have a voice
and my secret is
i'd rather take the blame
and my confession is
there's nothing i would change
i think i could tell my life story
by all the blood splattered on the walls
a single breath can change the course of your life
and all these scars make me more beautiful after all
i hide myself
so i can be someone else
i confide myself
to the walls of this world
and my secret is
i'd rather take the blame
and my confession is
there's nothing i would change
i think i could tell my life story
by all the blood splattered on the walls
and a single breath can change the course of your life
and all these scars make me more beautiful after all
mangle me, assemble me
make me add another beauty mark
hallways
careful as you glide on past
these memories never last
sunken and hallow
these hallways always wallow
tucked neatly away on each shelf
the times you should have asked for help
sinking and weeping
these hallways are keeping
you.
lithely as you up and fester
sanctioned by the sticks that poke and pester
doors slammed closed
you were always oppossed.
tucked neatly away on each shelf
the times you should have asked for help
sinking and weeping
these hallways are keeping
you.
these expectations never cease to fall
scratching at these pearly gates
fantastical markings just like a doll
it's all your malfunction at any rate
everything will be fine
tonight the future is devined.
make believe
i need you to lie to me
say you want me
go on and touch me
a little lower
right there
i need you to pretend
that this will never end
see how well i bend
don't you like that?
i'm almost there
isn't this fun?
our little world of make believe
you should be relieved
i know this all acould never be real
isn't this what you want?
a toy you can't decieve?
no attached strings to grieve?
i know the truth
it's all okay
i need you to lie to me
say the chosen one is me
go on and say you love me
i could choke you
but these games are much more fun
i need you to pretend
that we'll always be friends
go on-try to make ammends
sink a little lower
don't act like i don't know.
isn't this fun?
our little world of make believe
you should be relieved
i know this all acould never be real
isn't this what you want?
a toy you can't decieve?
no attached strings to grieve?
i know the truth
it's all okay
lie to me
just pretend
pretend that i don't know
lie that nothing's changed
pretend that you still care
lie, and keep at it
you've already gone this far
now...
lie to me.
red shoes
the wind tumbled recklessly
into the vastness before it
caressing ever so gently
the silhouette shuddering before it
sometimes the rain knows better
than to impede on sunny days
rather it drops leisurely on joys
adding unknown depths to the foundation
sometimes the paths i've taken
awaken with grins of malice
enveloping every sense of delight
that could have ever been.
with head held high
among the tall grass of shadows
with red shoes, creeping ever closer
to the glow of wanton acceptance
blinded by the moons reflection upon the pupil of you
you, who delights in my failure
you with arms wide open in jest
you who laughs mimics my endeavor
you who laughs at my quest.
stumbling, now, deafly
reveling in the post partum of my defeat
countless searches
for answers that are hidden
or lost upon the flutter of eyelashes
caught upon a dream
sometimes a dream is needed
though always ending in rebuke
nonetheless it's the utmost required
for the survival of the quintessential
sometimes the face of chicanery mirrors you
as the palpitating empathy trickles
down from your golden sky of blue velvet
and impedes on my sunny days
with head held high
among the tall grass of shadows
with red shoes, creeping ever closer
to the glow of wanton acceptance
blinded by the moons reflection upon the pupil of you
you, who delights in my failure
you with arms wide open in jest
you who laughs mimics my endeavor
you who laughs at my quest.
in a world crossed malevolently
with a smile of ecstacy
my tiny red shoes made of decrepit sparkles
draw even closer together
and i repeat over and over again:
"there's no place i'd rather be
than in the false sanctity of your arms"
careful as you glide on past
these memories never last
sunken and hallow
these hallways always wallow
tucked neatly away on each shelf
the times you should have asked for help
sinking and weeping
these hallways are keeping
you.
lithely as you up and fester
sanctioned by the sticks that poke and pester
doors slammed closed
you were always oppossed.
tucked neatly away on each shelf
the times you should have asked for help
sinking and weeping
these hallways are keeping
you.
these expectations never cease to fall
scratching at these pearly gates
fantastical markings just like a doll
it's all your malfunction at any rate
everything will be fine
tonight the future is devined.
you'll do
it's been so long
it feels so wrong
but i need a miracle
and you're in the room
so you'll do
for now
it's bound to go away
feelings never stay
but i need a miracle
and you're in the room
so you'll do
for now
can someone let me know
why i lie awake at night
and dream of being saved fronm myself
i don't know why nobody told me
dreams cut deeper than any knife
it's bound to go away
feelings never stay
but i need a miracle
and you're in the room
so you'll do
for now
may fatalistic flight
save me from myself
so i can stop dreaming every night
and admit i'm always wrong
it's just been so fucking long
i'm so far gone
i'll never belong
but i need a miracle
and you're in the room
so you'll do for now.
it seems the hate just enough
that i can't let me out
and i can't stand up for myself
it's going to happen
the time always comes
it just won't ever involve me
and even though it's been so long
and it feel so wrong
i need a miracle.
you'll do
for now.
it's been so long
it feels so wrong
but i need a miracle
and you're in the room
so you'll do
for now
it's bound to go away
feelings never stay
but i need a miracle
and you're in the room
so you'll do
for now
can someone let me know
why i lie awake at night
and dream of being saved fronm myself
i don't know why nobody told me
dreams cut deeper than any knife
it's bound to go away
feelings never stay
but i need a miracle
and you're in the room
so you'll do
for now
may fatalistic flight
save me from myself
so i can stop dreaming every night
and admit i'm always wrong
it's just been so fucking long
i'm so far gone
i'll never belong
but i need a miracle
and you're in the room
so you'll do for now.
it seems the hate just enough
that i can't let me out
and i can't stand up for myself
it's going to happen
the time always comes
it just won't ever involve me
and even though it's been so long
and it feel so wrong
i need a miracle.
you'll do
for now.
make believe
i need you to lie to me
say you want me
go on and touch me
a little lower
right there
i need you to pretend
that this will never end
see how well i bend
don't you like that?
i'm almost there
isn't this fun?
our little world of make believe
you should be relieved
i know this all acould never be real
isn't this what you want?
a toy you can't decieve?
no attached strings to grieve?
i know the truth
it's all okay
i need you to lie to me
say the chosen one is me
go on and say you love me
i could choke you
but these games are much more fun
i need you to pretend
that we'll always be friends
go on-try to make ammends
sink a little lower
don't act like i don't know.
isn't this fun?
our little world of make believe
you should be relieved
i know this all acould never be real
isn't this what you want?
a toy you can't decieve?
no attached strings to grieve?
i know the truth
it's all okay
lie to me
just pretend
pretend that i don't know
lie that nothing's changed
pretend that you still care
lie, and keep at it
you've already gone this far
now...
lie to me.
red shoes
the wind tumbled recklessly
into the vastness before it
caressing ever so gently
the silhouette shuddering before it
sometimes the rain knows better
than to impede on sunny days
rather it drops leisurely on joys
adding unknown depths to the foundation
sometimes the paths i've taken
awaken with grins of malice
enveloping every sense of delight
that could have ever been.
with head held high
among the tall grass of shadows
with red shoes, creeping ever closer
to the glow of wanton acceptance
blinded by the moons reflection upon the pupil of you
you, who delights in my failure
you with arms wide open in jest
you who laughs mimics my endeavor
you who laughs at my quest.
stumbling, now, deafly
reveling in the post partum of my defeat
countless searches
for answers that are hidden
or lost upon the flutter of eyelashes
caught upon a dream
sometimes a dream is needed
though always ending in rebuke
nonetheless it's the utmost required
for the survival of the quintessential
sometimes the face of chicanery mirrors you
as the palpitating empathy trickles
down from your golden sky of blue velvet
and impedes on my sunny days
with head held high
among the tall grass of shadows
with red shoes, creeping ever closer
to the glow of wanton acceptance
blinded by the moons reflection upon the pupil of you
you, who delights in my failure
you with arms wide open in jest
you who laughs mimics my endeavor
you who laughs at my quest.
in a world crossed malevolently
with a smile of ecstacy
my tiny red shoes made of decrepit sparkles
draw even closer together
and i repeat over and over again:
"there's no place i'd rather be
than in the false sanctity of your arms"
[mans]laughter
so tell me what to do now
when the carbon copies vain soul searching cases
ending with me as the root of all evil
it all falls apart, though it was never together
so tell me what do now
when conformity becomes the answer to an open mind
stranding free will on the side of the road
it's inscribed, though i can't say it should be
so tell me
is this suicide
or voluntary manslaughter
staring back at my reflection?
i'm cutting away all the pieces of me
you left behind
because everytime a tear crashes
it's been in vain and i'm there afain
i'm back to who i've been.
so tell me what to do now
when i've leaped through each bullshit hurdle
finding the "me" you've volitioned
i look happy, though it's a farcical representation
the confines of this prison are defeating
i'm stuck behind these walls screaming
for the most minute amount of change
funny how life revolves outside all reach
maybe this is the quotient
of diving life into everyone elses's expectations.
so tell me
is this suicide
or voluntary manslaughter
staring back at my reflection?
i'm cutting away all the pieces of me
you left behind
because everytime a tear crashes
it's been in vain and i'm there afain
i'm back to who i've been.
and maybe i'm the quotient
of dividng up my life into all your expectations.
so tell me what to do now
when the carbon copies vain soul searching cases
ending with me as the root of all evil
it all falls apart, though it was never together
so tell me what do now
when conformity becomes the answer to an open mind
stranding free will on the side of the road
it's inscribed, though i can't say it should be
so tell me
is this suicide
or voluntary manslaughter
staring back at my reflection?
i'm cutting away all the pieces of me
you left behind
because everytime a tear crashes
it's been in vain and i'm there afain
i'm back to who i've been.
so tell me what to do now
when i've leaped through each bullshit hurdle
finding the "me" you've volitioned
i look happy, though it's a farcical representation
the confines of this prison are defeating
i'm stuck behind these walls screaming
for the most minute amount of change
funny how life revolves outside all reach
maybe this is the quotient
of diving life into everyone elses's expectations.
so tell me
is this suicide
or voluntary manslaughter
staring back at my reflection?
i'm cutting away all the pieces of me
you left behind
because everytime a tear crashes
it's been in vain and i'm there afain
i'm back to who i've been.
and maybe i'm the quotient
of dividng up my life into all your expectations.
miss you
i don't know where to go
to find open arms to hold me
and faithful words to console me
lost in this ebb of retreat-ful decline
lost in this flow of deceitful malign
the only constant left to cling to are my fables
announced daily by categorical choirs
who sing in argumentative discussion
longing to be something that could never possibly be
with light more fleeting as time reverses
and all the breathing stands still
in this field of postulated reveries
with all of the avenues that all lead to a single result:
one i don't want
to be free of pressure from all possible sides
to finally fade away from everyone's vision
everything screams out to start anew
to start fresh
to stay true you
the you that won't seem to die and returns like a portent
to the bloodesmeared door and refuses to pass over
as promised by the divinity of self doubt.
you are who you are, whoever you are
and these attempted self murders seal karma's fate
karma are the feelings
karma is this place
come back three fold and compounded
per each frivolous murderous try
so i ask...
where do i go to find arms wide open
to find words to console me
they are needed more than the gods could ever know
commence the process
of cleansing the soul
of clearing the filth imported
that i desperately tried to turn into
everything screams out to start anew
to start fresh
to stay true you
the you that won't seem to die and returns like a portent
to the bloodesmeared door and refuses to pass over
as promised by the divinity of self doubt.
you are who you are, whoever you are
and these attempted self murders seal karma's fate
karma are the feelings
karma is this place
come back three fold and compounded
per each frivolous murderous try
tired of searching hopefully
not hopelessly
for outstretched arms and kind words
to once again be united and whole
to finally look at the undulating reflection
and finally say
"it's good to see you again"
i don't know where to go
to find open arms to hold me
and faithful words to console me
lost in this ebb of retreat-ful decline
lost in this flow of deceitful malign
the only constant left to cling to are my fables
announced daily by categorical choirs
who sing in argumentative discussion
longing to be something that could never possibly be
with light more fleeting as time reverses
and all the breathing stands still
in this field of postulated reveries
with all of the avenues that all lead to a single result:
one i don't want
to be free of pressure from all possible sides
to finally fade away from everyone's vision
everything screams out to start anew
to start fresh
to stay true you
the you that won't seem to die and returns like a portent
to the bloodesmeared door and refuses to pass over
as promised by the divinity of self doubt.
you are who you are, whoever you are
and these attempted self murders seal karma's fate
karma are the feelings
karma is this place
come back three fold and compounded
per each frivolous murderous try
so i ask...
where do i go to find arms wide open
to find words to console me
they are needed more than the gods could ever know
commence the process
of cleansing the soul
of clearing the filth imported
that i desperately tried to turn into
everything screams out to start anew
to start fresh
to stay true you
the you that won't seem to die and returns like a portent
to the bloodesmeared door and refuses to pass over
as promised by the divinity of self doubt.
you are who you are, whoever you are
and these attempted self murders seal karma's fate
karma are the feelings
karma is this place
come back three fold and compounded
per each frivolous murderous try
tired of searching hopefully
not hopelessly
for outstretched arms and kind words
to once again be united and whole
to finally look at the undulating reflection
and finally say
"it's good to see you again"
