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Saturday, December 23, 2006
useless
to try again and feel lonely...
or do nothing...
either way all i get to feel is lonely...
and i'm not quite sure what i should do....
i know the way but i falter...
i'm so fucking scared of my own patience...
as i die to maintain something that i don't even want to begin with...
i just refuse to admit that this right is so very wrong...
torn apart, this heart is absolutely fucking useless....
it's helpless and paralyzed in the wake of all my speculated endings waiting to begin..
it's unfixable to say the least.

so here we go again...
once again i find myself in this same old fucking place...
i run, i hide...
or i'm just told i'm not worth it in so many fewer words and more overt gestures...
and as i sit feeling like the fool, it's obvious i just can't leave this place...
i just stay wrapped miserably in this shit i've depicted...
refusing the reality that i just really want someone to take me by the hand....
it's safe to say i'm over because i just can't keep trying to explain...
why when it all falls down and i get a chance to wake up from this dream of possibility....
the idea of just lying around and taking it kills me...
while you're out there being held by someone else who isn't me...

but it doesn't matter...
for as much as i want to empty my head, let go of all that's been told...
to kill it all so i can reinvent...
so i can believe...
again...
for as much as i want someone to say that whatever i say it's alright, whatever i do it's alright...
that silence is not the way if heaven is on our merry way...
i'd rather just sit here and bleed because there's nothing left of me...
i'm a stranger in my own self imposed town...
i'm lost in my own sea of decline
and i hate myself so much that i can't let myself out of this hell.
 
23.12.06 | Permalink |