i don't know how long i can hold my heart in two

About This Place

if you asked me ten years ago what i wanted to be, i would without question say: a writer.

since then, it's been modified, tweaked, and pretty much abandoned.and with that abandonment, a part of me kind of died.

so, this blog is my attempt at resurrecting, so-to-speak, my fallen aspiration. once a week, or so, as a sort of self-induced homework assignment i'll write something relatively "creative."

will it be a breath of life into the deadness that has consumed the half of my heart that thrived on the creative outlet of the written word?

...or...

prove once and for all that part of me is absolutely dead, and that i've been reduced to what my legal profession has left me with?

no idea....

no harm in trying though.

Past Attempts

Archives

Friday, July 21, 2006

i wish

i wish i could let myself just enjoy something....and not over-analyze it and beat it to death, and end up at the conclusion that i'm just a slut for giving in, and letting him go there.

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i wish i expected more from men. maybe then when a guy pays a mild amount of attention to me, i wouldn't be in shock. and if they remember anything...anything at all that i've said, i wouldn't be absolute putty in their hands.

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i wish i understood why despite everything i'm told by people who i know and love, i'm single with not even a possible prospect in sight.

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i wish i could go back, and just end it all...before i became completely paltry and he ran away with every last ounce of the best of me.

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i wish i went to nyu. things would be so much different now. i wouldn't be clinging for dear life to three people who are too far away to truly be there...and i could be the friend they deserve.

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i wish my parents knew me.......i wish i could let them know me, but i can't take them being that disappointed in me.

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i wish when other people fucked me over, i wouldn't feel like utter shit for thinking negatively about them.

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i wish i was beautiful......on the inside and out.

21.7.06

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